Stop the Presses

Former Prime Minister of Canada Jean Chrétien is quoted as having said, “Canada is like a big canoe…”.
 
Canadian Voyageurs, Walking a Canoe Up a Rapid - Currier & Ives, c1860
I have come to realize that in fact Canada is like a small town.
Canadians make fun of Americans who say things like, “You’re from Canada!  Do you know my friend George?  He’s from Canada!”  Yet more than once I’ve sat in the curling club and heard someone discover that the guy she lived next door to in some tiny town in northern Ontario 35 years ago has a son who is married to her best friend’s niece in Vancouver.

It takes some getting used to.

Canada is really like a small town when it comes to the CBC, the national subsidized English-language broadcast network.  (My French is not good enough to know if that is also true for the French-language network.)

It must have been a slow news day indeed when someone at the CBC in Saskatchewan decided to put a story about a Saskatoon man stuck for five hours in a hole into the Canada-wide RSS feed for the CBC news website.
 
A rescue crew carries a man out on a stretcher after extricating him from a hole at a
construction site. (CBC)
In some of the laziest reporting I have ever seen, two stories on the website and a video do not give the man’s name, do not say how he got into the hole in the first place, and do not press the local police on what they mean when they say it was "not believed to be accidental."

As is often true of stories on the CBC website, the best part is the Comments.  Although we don’t often see Godwin’s Law demonstrated by the posters on CBC forums, sarcasm abounds.  One comment reads:

My condolences go out to the family and friends of the hole in these difficult times.

Another:

So close.. after digging all that way from China, to get stuck at the end..

In that apocryphal story about the canoe, when everyone concentrates on doing his own job to the best of his ability, the canoe glides swiftly on the water --- no matter how troubled.  So thanks, CBC, for a job well done.  You’ve provided valuable insight into the Canadian Identity, if not into the identity of this man in particular.

I feel like a real Canadian now!

I was working my way through my first cup of coffee and my RSS feeds this morning when I came upon this article:

And I thought to myself, "How did the Inuit manage to hold off Microsoft?"

In fairness to me, I HAD just finished reading a curling feed that mentioned Paul Gross, and "Due South" is one of my favo(u)rite shows. But wow. "Inuit" instead of "Intuit" --- It takes some getting used to.

Six Random Things

I got tagged by Daryl Cognito, owner of The Best Podcast In Calgary.  Check out Atomic Suburbia, then hurry back here.

Here are Six Random Things about me:

1.  I am still shocked to find myself living in a country whose goals for the Olympics are to finish in the top sixteen.  It takes some getting used to.
2. I graduated High School with Bob Costas.
3. I don't follow either of Canada's official sports, in either of Canada's official languages.
   
4. My curling team once scored an 8-ender.
   
5. I think that although it's just possible that Rick Mercer is not a jerk, he certainly does play one on TV.
6. I think "Little Mosque on the Prairie" is stupid, but I love "Corner Gas."

Tagging Barbra, Victor, John, Ron (and the other Ron), and Dean.

And now for the Rules.  Because of course there have to be Rules.  Eh?

1.  Link to the person who tagged you.
2.  Post the rules on the blog.
3.  Write six random things about yourself.
4.  Tag six people at the end of your post.
5.  Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6.  Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Curling, Lobsters, and Joan McCusker's Email

This is an old joke:

A man watches a lobster fisher throw three lobsters into a bucket. Concerned, the man approaches the fisher and asks if he isn't worried that the lobsters will climb out because the bucket has no cover.

"No worries," replied the fisher. "These are Canadian lobsters. If one starts to climb out, the others will pull him back in."

And that's how it is in Canada. In the US, we learn to recognize and celebrate success. In Canada, that would be bragging. It takes some getting used to.

Last week the Scotties Tournament of Hearts was held in Regina, Saskatchewan. That's the Canadian Women's Curling championships. The winner goes on to represent Canada at the Worlds next month. The opening of the week-long championships marked the ten year anniversary of the Team Canada gold medal win at the 1998 Olympics in Japan. The winning team hailed from Regina. They became national icons ("heroes" would, of course, be bragging) over night.


The team was skipped by Sandra Schmirler, who died just two years later at the age of 36, of cancer. The Sandra Schmirler Foundation keeps her memory alive. The remaining members of that team, Marcia Gudereit, Joan McCusker, and Jan Betker, continued to curl at a high level, but were not able to win another national or international title.

Joan McCusker is now a commentator for CBC's curling coverage. I wish I had Joan McCusker's email, because I think she could help me understand something about Canadians.

Colleen Jones, certainly one of the best Canadian women curlers, won six Canadian championships, two World championships, and a couple of mixed Canadian championships. She is bright, articulate, and gracious. (At least she was gracious to me when I met her, and I'm pretty much nobody.) She was a tremendous representative for the sport and for Canada, and yet Canadians belittle her accomplishments because she chews gum while she curls. I kid you not.

Kelly Scott curls at the same curling club I do. She began this year's Scotties as two-time Canadian champion, and was looking for a third consecutive title. She is a lovely person; polite, generous with her time, gracious, and kind of funny. She doesn't show much emotion on the ice. Still, there were posts on curling forums, articles in newspapers, and general talk among curlers that Kelly and her team "didn't deserve" another championship. Why? Because she has a squeaky, annoying voice when she calls a game.

Help me out, Joan! We all know that Sandra Schmirler is now practically revered for her curling success (Oops! There's that word again!) and for her good nature.

What was it really like out there after 1998? Did the general public say things like, "They don't deserve another win because Sandra did..." whatever Sandra did? Did people complain about her glasses? Did they criticize her style of play?

Well, there's a new Team Canada now, this one led by Jennifer Jones. She doesn't chew gum. Her style of play is more aggressive than Kelly Scott's and Colleen Jones'. She's tall and thin and blond. Let the snarkiness begin.

Thank You For Waiting

Americans think health care in Canada is free. Some fear that. Some embrace that. But either way, that's what they think.

The truth is health care is not free. You pay a premium and you get health care. If you don't make enough money to pay the premium, you still get health care. But it's not free.

Your taxes pay for health care. You pay federal taxes, the Federal Government transfers some money to the Province, the Province allocates money to health care administrative agencies, and it goes on from there.

Whether you are rich or poor, when you need health care, you get in line for it. It takes some getting used to.

It's against the law to operate private clinics for most things. The lines are getting longer. The government has become more adept at measuring "wait times" so that it might look like the lines are getting shorter. But they're not.

Last week I went to the eye doctor for a routine exam. (This is NOT covered by the BC health care plan, nor do I have supplemental insurance that covers it. So it's paid for by me. But as I told the person in charge of collecting the money, "I'm an American. I'm used to this.")

The exam went fine. It was a very thorough exam. There are no problems with my eyes except that I need glasses. I've needed glasses since I was three, so no surprises there.

However, I have a small skin tag under my left eye. This is not life-threatening, and I don't even think it's especially gross, but it's annoying in the cold weather, and I curl in the winter so I'm very cold for several hours at a time.

"Can we have someone look at this and see if it makes sense to remove it?" I asked my doctor. "I realize it's really minor, but if there's a list, I would like to get on it."

"No worries," she said. "I just have to write a letter referring you to the cosmetic guy since this involves your eyelid. You should get a phone call from his office in about two years, and then they'll make an appointment for a few months after that. If he thinks it makes sense to go ahead and you want to do that, his office will get you on the waiting list for surgery."

You can check the Ministry of Health website to see what the wait time will be. The health care administrative agency and the Provincial government only measure "wait time" for surgeries from when the specialist puts you on the surgery list. The proceeding two and a half years doesn't count against wait time.

So. I'm waiting for a phone call in two years for an appointment in five or six months after that. Then if it makes sense I'll go on a waiting list for surgery.

I feel like a real Canadian now.

Curling

I don’t ski. I hate being cold, and as far as I’m concerned snow is an annoyance.

That was fine when I lived in the Bay Area. I used to take Christmas Eve bike rides and golf on New Year’s Day. That doesn’t work here. I needed something to do once it got too cold for bikes besides cycling sessions in the gym getting ready for Spring, and thinking about California.

So, curling. Yes, you need ice, so it’s cold. But you don’t have snow so you’re not wet, and you sweep, so you’re not as cold as you might think. There is a strategic component, so it’s more like “chess on ice” than “bowling on ice.” Some people curl at a high, competitive level, or at least they aspire to that. Some find the best part of curling is the “social part” of the game, which generally involves drinking. Either way, there is something for everyone.

Like golf, curling has many traditions, much history, and a whole lot of etiquette. Everyone shakes hands before the game and wishes their opponents “good curling.” At the end of the game, everyone shakes hands and thanks their opponents for the game. It’s a great tradition.

I am way too new to curling to explain the rules, which can vary from country to country, unless you are playing by the World Curling Federation rules (See what I mean?), or especially the strategy. Some good resources are here:

Curling Basics
Curling shots illustrated. (Flash required)

Canadian Curling Association
The governing body of curling in Canada, bless their hearts. There are links to the Canadian rules, and to various CCA-sanctioned events. There is also an explanation of the points ranking system. (Instant migraine.)

World Curling Federation
This link is to a glossary. (You might need it.)

“Curling For Dummies” by Bob Weeks.
Not a website, an actual --- gasp --- book ! Get it out of the library if you don’t want to spend the money. (US$21.99. CDN$29.99) An easy to understand discussion of the rules, traditions, and history of the game.

There are lots more resources. Everyone has an opinion about the game or the players. Me too. I like curling, because unlike Canada’s two official sports (Yes, there are two. Look it up.), curling does not involve players hitting each other over the head with sticks. It does involve teamwork, skill and sometimes luck.

Canadians like to say that curling is a terrific game for television. That’s probably true, if you are thinking about Canadian television. For years, three commentators on TSN broadcast the really important events. (And these events last a week; they’re not over in three hours.)


Ray, Cate, Vic, Linda

A lot of what I know about the game (admittedly not much) I know from listening to Vic, Ray, and Linda. There is nothing like it. Three Canadians on Canadian television talking about a game revered by Canadians. It’s not like watching Bob Costas. These people actually stop talking sometimes. It takes some getting used to.