Sorry

Last month a wonderful Canadian-style protest erupted over the Harper government’s plan to allow just about any cop to monitor just about anything anyone does in Canada online just about any time on just about any excuse.  Without a warrant.

Canadians used Twitter to mock Vic Toews, the Minister of Public Safety who introduced Bill C-30 in the House of Commons and defended it to various media outlets for the next few days.  The #TellVicEverything hashtag started out funny, clever, and awesome, swerved a little toward rants, and then back to funny, clever and awesome.

Early on, someone began tweeting as VickiLeaks30, publishing some very unsavory elements of Toews’ divorce, all a matter of public record but deeply personal.  Accusations flew, and the Conservative Harperites claimed that the NDP was behind the account, tweeting from inside Parliament.

Turns out it wasn’t the NDP at all, but a staffer for the Liberals.  He resigned, and the most Canadian of rituals ensued: Apologies all around.

Rae reveals Vickleaks - CBC.CA http://www.cbc.ca/video/watch/News/Politics/ID=2202713007

This video from the CBC begins with Vic Toews complaining about the Vickileaks30 twitter account connection to the House of Commons, and asking for an investigation.

After almost five minutes of this, the Liberal leader is recognized by the Chair and begins his apology, first in English and then in French.

At 8:28 minutes, an NDP member is recognized, and mentions that the Conservatives had accused the NDP of being behind all this, and demands an apology.

And, he gets it.

The Bloc Québécois leader then speaks in French.

Just when I thought this couldn’t get any more Canadian, Vic Toews gets up and accepts Bob Rae’s apology, but only after critiquing it for it’s sincerity and worthiness.

Bob Rae now takes his place alongside other notable Canadians who have apologized to people for things.

Apologizing is part of Canadian culture.  Canadians apologize when YOU bump into THEM. They apologize for running up the score. I once saw a musician say “Sorry” to a microphone stand he had banged into.  It takes some getting used to
.
Search Google for “canadian apologies” and you will get 12,900,000 results.



Search Google for “american apologies” and you will get 47,000,000 results, admittedly a much higher number, but most of the results appear to be links to articles complaining that Americans have apologized for something.

We just don’t like to do that.

But there is a theory that “Canadians say ‘sorry’ a lot, but they rarely apologize.  See this excerpt from How to be a Canadian (Even If You Already Are One). 

Sign On The Dotted Line

While my American friends are using their smartphones to deposit money in their Chase accounts without ever leaving their apartments, I have to deal with Canadian banks.  It takes some getting used to.

Anything that isn’t simple means going into the bank and dealing with the tellers.  And of course, because everyone inside the bank has something complicated to do, it takes forever to get your complicated thing done.  You just have to plan on spending an hour in there and hoping for a good outcome.

Today’s transaction was especially complicated.  The teller took it in stride and just got on with it, but it took some doing.  After 20 minutes of tapping the keyboard and squinting at the monitor and looking things up in a manual, she said, “OK.  Now I just need to get some John Henrys on this,” and headed for a cluster of desks.

“Oh,” I thought to myself.  “She means John Hancock.”

Pretty flashy signature for an insurance man.

But while she was off locating John AND Henry, I started thinking, “Hang on. This is Canada.  Maybe up here a signature has to do with a steel-driving man, and not with the American Declaration of Independence.”

But wait.  There’s more!  It IS John Henry, but it’s not the steel-driving man!  Apparently a cowboy never signs a document, he puts his John Henry to it. Who knew?

The Stanley Cup

It’s the end of April, and time for baseball.  At least for me it is.  But here in Canada, people are paying far more attention to hockey, as the Stanley Cup Playoffs are underway.  It takes some getting used to.

When I was a little girl, I listened to the NY Rangers on the radio late at night. I'd never seen a hockey game, but I loved the rhythm of the game, and the French names of the players. My favorite team was the Toronto Make Believes, and I hoped to stand one day in Make Believe Garden. It was a pretty big disappointment when I saw my first (televised) game, and finally understood the name of the team.

When I lived in the Bay Area, the San Jose Sharks came into being, and I paid attention to hockey once again.  The standing joke then was that there were really only 17,442 Sharks fans. That was the capacity of the San Jose Arena configured for hockey, and the most likely explanation for a team with one of the worst records in the NHL selling out every home game.

Now, the Vancouver Canucks are in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, but even more thrilling, the Stanley Cup was in Kelowna last night.  I'll never stand in Make Believe Garden, but I got to touch the Stanley Cup.



No Falcons baseball until June.  So it’s root, root, root for the Canucks.

Pop Quiz!

Fill in the blank.

Damn the __________________.

1. torpedoes
2. Americans
3. Harper Government

Canada’s navy wants to spend about $120 million to retrofit torpedoes they bought from the Americans in order to fire them from submarines they bought from the British, according to news reports.

So Canada has four submarines.  One of them is “partially operational” and the other three are not at all operational.  The navy has a total of 36 torpedoes, none of which can be fired from any of the submarines, even the one that is partially operational.  It takes some getting used to.

Apparently once the torpedoes are converted, Canada will need to spend more money to refit the subs.

All this comes to light in the middle of a federal election campaign, but it was the US Defense Security Cooperation Agency that published the information about the pending sale in a press release dated March 23.  Weapons sales of this nature have to be approved by the United States Congress.  Canada is awaiting approval.

Canadian elections and Solfeggio

Canadian elections are confusing.  Elections here are different than back home.  In the United States, everyone knows when the next election will be.  Here, at the federal level, there’s no set date.  It takes some getting used to.

Canadians seem so proud of their Parliamentary system.  (Proud in a Canadian way, that is.)  I haven’t quite figured it out.  If Democracy were a religion, an election would be a sacrament --- an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.  But as soon as there is a hint of an election, pretty much everyone complains.

This time around, the political pundits are trying to get Canadians fired up about the “In-and-out-affair” which is not what you probably think.  It’s about creative campaign funding, and the Conservative Party just trying to gain its fair advantage, a concept so foreign to Canadians I don't know how I could possibly explain it.

The chief political pundits are on the national news broadcast, called “The National,” are  Chantal Hébert, Andrew Coyne, and Allan Gregg.

At Issue Panel - Andrew Coyne, Allan Gregg, Chantal Hébert

Most Thursdays, they debate the issues of the day, each taking a different side.  Yes.  There are three sides to everything here.  At least.  They remind me of The Nairobi Trio.

Ernie Kovacs - The Nairobi Trio “Solfeggio”

If we have an election in May, I’ll probably hear “Solfeggio” in my head the whole time.

Canadian Frugality

Yesterday it came to light that President Obama’s proposed budget includes an item which would charge Canadians a $5.50 "”inspection fee” when entering the United States by plane or boat.  This is the same fee that the US charges people from other countries, and from which Canada was exempted in 1997.  No fee will be assessed to the Canadians who stream over the border by car or bus to buy food, clothing, gas, and alcohol at decent prices.  And Canadians are really conflicted about cross-border shopping.

Should we not expect a National Debate on cross-border shopping?

You would think something important had just happened, judging from the reactions of many Canadians.  Who knew?  Canadians are apparently just entitled to visit the United States whenever they please without being subject to the same fees as, say, people from England, Germany or Finland, just because they are Canadians.

It takes some getting used to.

The CBC kicked things off with a story slugged Obama proposed travel tax for Canadians, with a link to a poll question.  The question is:  Border fee:  Do you think the passenger inspection fee is reasonable?  Not surprisingly, the results look like this:

CBC non-scientific poll results

Many Canadians would rather complain about a proposed $5.50 (US) fee than about a $42M (CAD) glass dome which will house Canada’s Parliament…temporarily.  That $42M figure is courtesy of Public Works.  Other sources estimate the cost of Stephen Harper’s Cone of Silence as closer to $100M.

"One Hundred Million"

Canadian cross-border frugality is widely recognized by residents of Michigan and Ohio, who can't find anywhere to park at Wal-Mart in the winter because the parking lots are full of $70,000 motor homes with Ontario license plates.

Last month during the World Junior Hockey tournament Canadians flooded across the border to Buffalo, NY  to cheer for any country playing against the United States.  (It's a shame, really, that Canadians' Gold Medal hopes were dashed by arch-rival Russia.)  Apparently Americans can overlook fans fighting in the stands and general rude behavio(u)r, although some are still surprised and disillusioned when they witness it in their own country.  Donn Esmonde of Buffalo.com wrote about it here.  What sticks with them, however, is Canadian frugality:

Make no mistake, we were more than happy the past couple of weeks to have Canadians sleep in our hotel rooms, eat in our restaurants, drink in our bars and shop in our malls. We love the uncommon smell of outside dollars. All we ask is that you do not be obnoxious about it.

In some cases, it was too much to ask. I talked to workers at a downtown bar/restaurant that will remain nameless, to protect the place’s cross-border business. By tournament’s end, they had disdain for all things emblazoned with a Maple Leaf. The main complaint, and this is not new, is a lot of Canadian hockey fans are awful tippers.

“They would have a few beers and leave like a quarter or 50 cents,” said one bartender, who for job security reasons asked that his name not be used. “Servers said they were getting two-dollar tips on a $25 check.”

No report on the generosity of the Russian fans, but a two-dollar tip on a $25 dollar bar tab in the middle of an event is heroically frugal.

Hey, guess what, Canadians.  It's not your country.  You're don't get to come and go as you please simply because you're Canadian.  Run out of things to do in Canada?  Feel like making your way to the United States by air or sea?  Just pony up the $5.50.  You can always stiff your waiter later on.  You're entitled.

The Christmas Tree Cam is (probably) live!

I think we finally wrestled all the technical issues to the ground.  Here’s our 14th Christmas Tree Cam.

Watch live streaming video from christmastreecam at livestream.com

You’ll mostly see the tree, sometimes Sandy Dog, and every so often Cate or Eric.  Merry Christmas!

Stop the Presses

Former Prime Minister of Canada Jean Chrétien is quoted as having said, “Canada is like a big canoe…”.
 
Canadian Voyageurs, Walking a Canoe Up a Rapid - Currier & Ives, c1860
I have come to realize that in fact Canada is like a small town.
Canadians make fun of Americans who say things like, “You’re from Canada!  Do you know my friend George?  He’s from Canada!”  Yet more than once I’ve sat in the curling club and heard someone discover that the guy she lived next door to in some tiny town in northern Ontario 35 years ago has a son who is married to her best friend’s niece in Vancouver.

It takes some getting used to.

Canada is really like a small town when it comes to the CBC, the national subsidized English-language broadcast network.  (My French is not good enough to know if that is also true for the French-language network.)

It must have been a slow news day indeed when someone at the CBC in Saskatchewan decided to put a story about a Saskatoon man stuck for five hours in a hole into the Canada-wide RSS feed for the CBC news website.
 
A rescue crew carries a man out on a stretcher after extricating him from a hole at a
construction site. (CBC)
In some of the laziest reporting I have ever seen, two stories on the website and a video do not give the man’s name, do not say how he got into the hole in the first place, and do not press the local police on what they mean when they say it was "not believed to be accidental."

As is often true of stories on the CBC website, the best part is the Comments.  Although we don’t often see Godwin’s Law demonstrated by the posters on CBC forums, sarcasm abounds.  One comment reads:

My condolences go out to the family and friends of the hole in these difficult times.

Another:

So close.. after digging all that way from China, to get stuck at the end..

In that apocryphal story about the canoe, when everyone concentrates on doing his own job to the best of his ability, the canoe glides swiftly on the water --- no matter how troubled.  So thanks, CBC, for a job well done.  You’ve provided valuable insight into the Canadian Identity, if not into the identity of this man in particular.

Take Me Out To the Ball Game

The Kelowna Falcons play ball here.  The team is part of the West Coast League. 

Most of the players are American kids who play for NCAA schools during the school year.  Some of these kids go on to sign with MLB Teams.

I love going to the Falcons home games.  It’s the only place I can hear the National Anthem in public.   

This is minor league ball.  I refer not only to the standard of play, but to the atmosphere as well.  The Falcons owners have done an outstanding job of securing sponsors for little events that go on during the games.  The PizzaWay pizza eating contest is always a hoot. So it the TD tire roll-off. There are base races and cup-of-water races.  The bat spin is sometimes more exciting than the game itself.  It takes some getting used to.

All the home games are broadcast by an enthusiastic and knowledgeable guy called Ryan Watters.  The games are live on the Falcons home page and on AM1150.  Because I’m 57, it makes more sense to me to take a transistor radio to the ball park than an iPhone to listen to the game.  But people here don’t seem to get that part of the experience of the ballgame is listening to the home team announcer, so I also bring an earphone.

Of course, the games are on an AM station, the radio is mono, and plugging in a “regular” set of ear buds means sound in just the left ear.  I got tired of the right ear bud dangling and getting in my beer, so I went into The Source looking for a cheap mono ear bud.

The Source used to be RadioShack in Canada, and then it was known as The Source by Circuit City.  Now it’s not even that, it’s just The Source.  To give you an idea, one of my customers went to The Source to get a replacement CMOS battery for his computer.  The battery cost $6.99 CAD and they offered him an extended warranty for an additional $1.07 CAD.

I only go there for things that I need and can’t get anyplace else, like a really cheap mono ear bud.  I found one in there for $4.99 and took it to the counter.

The young lady at the register (or “till” as they say here), picked up the item, looked it over and said, “What are you going to do with this?”

I tried to explain to this maybe-20-year-old that I need to plug it in to my mono transistor radio so I can listen to an AM station while I am at the ballgame.

Blank stare.

She didn’t get “mono” or “transistor” or “AM station” and I am pretty sure she didn’t get “ballgame” either.  (She did, of course, want to sell me an extended warranty.)

The entire baseball experience is underappreciated by most people in Kelowna, it seems to me.  If your only knowledge of baseball comes from watching a couple of ex-Blue Jays do the commentary on Canadian cable TV, maybe it’s hard to relate to watching minor league baseball live while listening to a decent play-by-play man.  Maybe trying to bring baseball to Kelowna, in Canada, is like trying to bring hockey to San Jose, in California… Hang on a minute.

An evening at the ball park is a great evening, win or lose.  Thank you to the Nonis family for bringing quality baseball to Kelowna, and keeping it here, against all odds, for ten years.

Armed robbery with a screwdriver

Last Friday, someone held up the government liquor store by threatening the clerk with a screwdriver.

Several years ago a series of holdups victimized clerks in convenience stores ("convenience" in the Canadian sense --- you can't get any beer there) and gas stations.  That perpetrator was also armed with a screwdriver.

It didn't take me very long to figure out that if I was working nights in the 7-Eleven or the PetroCan station I'd totally  want to have a Black & Decker power drill under the counter.  But I guess that's just because I am an American, and prone to over reacting to the "need to do something --- anything --- in my own defense.  (Or "defence" as they say here.)

This is what happens in a kinder, gentler country where people are horrified at the notion of owning handguns: You have teenagers in touques (say "tewks") brandishing screwdrivers, holding up night shift clerks for a carton of smokes and a packet of fried pork rinds.

The local SpokesMountie at the time said that there just weren't enough Mounties to have much hope of catching the guy, but after the video tapes aired on the local news, the kid turned himself in.

Oh. Canada.  It takes some getting used to.

This time, the Mounties were in pursuit, even bringing the K9 unit.  Unfortunately, Constable Fraser and Diefenbaker were busy, and the guy got away.

No word if the bad guy was using a Robertson screwdriver.

Play ball, eh?

Yesterday there were three ball games on TV, all of them divisional playoffs for major league teams trying to get to the World Series.  I watched the Cardinals - Dodgers matchup.

In the US, the game was carried by TBS, but up here, Rogers Sportsnet takes the TBS coverage and drops in their own commercials and their own game updates.  So during the 7th inning stretch, they go to the studio for an update...on the hockey.

It takes some getting used to.

I feel like a real Canadian now!

I was working my way through my first cup of coffee and my RSS feeds this morning when I came upon this article:

And I thought to myself, "How did the Inuit manage to hold off Microsoft?"

In fairness to me, I HAD just finished reading a curling feed that mentioned Paul Gross, and "Due South" is one of my favo(u)rite shows. But wow. "Inuit" instead of "Intuit" --- It takes some getting used to.

What Was He Thinking?

An article on the CBC website informs us that Canada hired two public relations guys to represent Canada's interests to the United States.

"While this isn't the first time Canada has hired lobbyists to launch an American media campaign, it's the first time the government is being open and transparent about it, [PMO spokesperson, Kory] Teneycke said, though he refused to discuss how much the lobbyists will be paid or how long they will be retained."

This is what passes for openness and transparency in Stephen Harper's Conservative government. It takes some getting used to.

The story actually gets better.

It turns out that the publicity flaks the Canadians hired are Mike McCurry, former White House Press Secretary for President Clinton, and, of all people, Ari Fleischer, who played the same part for President George W. Bush. Fleisher, apparently, "helped organize interviews" during Prime Minister Harper's visit to the US last month. I guess two of those were his own and McCurry's job interviews.

The vitriolic comments following the story are about what you'd expect:

• Harper and the Conservatives are in bed with the Americans, and Canada is about to become the 51st (and 52nd, and 53rd, and 54th, and 55th, and 56th, and 57th and 58th, and 59th, and 60th) state(s). (Personally, I think you have to be either an American living in Canada or a Canadian living in the US to understand why that's so funny.)
• Ari Fleisher is a big, fat liar
• Mike McCurry is a big, fat idiot for believing that Bill Clinton "...did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinski."
• Americans are big, fat idiots, period.

Well, Canadians, who would you rather have representing Canada to Americans? Maybe Rick Mercer? Be careful what you wish for.

It's the economy, stupid.

The local community internet site had this report today:

This is the thing about Canada.  You just don't have people running around with handguns like at home, so now that times are really getting tough, we have people holding up Subways with a screwdriver.  It takes some getting used to.

And no, we don't have an underground train here in Kelowna.  They mean the Subway sandwich shop.

The local reaction to this is to compose Letters to the Editor, complaining about people who are not just exactly like the letter-writers, and complaining that the RCMP is too busy using radar on the side of the road to stop robberies in shops.

Tell you what.  If I was working alone in a Subway, a gas station, a convenience store, or anyplace that had cash on hand, the next guy that came in with a screw driver better rob me before I can get to the cordless drill I would keep stashed under the counter.

A screwdriver, for crying out loud.

Canadian Kitty or American Kitty?

There's some kind of rule here that allows Canadian television stations to take over an American TV station if they are broadcasting the same program.  So even though I tune the cable box to the Fox station out of Spokane, suddenly I am watching "24" on the Global channel, with ads for Tim Hortons.  It takes some getting used to.

Last night, I wanted to watch "Life" on NBC.  But Global hijacked the station, and showed the first half hour of a dreadful show called "Lie To Me" before showing the last half hour of "Life" just as if nothing happened.  Well, I guess they tried their hardest, so it's ok.

So here is this, courtesy of another American Girl in Canada.  Thanks, Brittney!

Another bunch of bleeding hearts

It seems that Canada is an attractive destination for former Guantanamo Bay detainees. According to this story:

Many Guantanamo Bay detainees cleared of terrorist charges and slated for release have expressed a desire to live in Canada, and refugee organizations are calling for sponsors.

Canadians think of themselves as tolerant, and they think Canada is racism-free, especially in contrast to the United States. I hear this often. I also heard a guy yell, "Run like you're carrying a watermelon!" while watching a football game on tv in the curling club lounge. It takes some getting used to.

When I started this post a few minutes ago, there were 244 comments on this story. Now there are 255. And despite the popularity of the CBC Television show Little Mosque on the Prairie ("Small town Canada with a little Muslim twist"), many of those commenting do not like the idea. The entertaining part is watching them complain about "terrorists" AND about Americans. Here's one:

Another bunch of bleeding hearts coming to the rescue of "presumed terrorists at some time anyhow". Of course people they are not going to say they are possibly still terrorists simply because they want to get rid of them!!! Especially, the Americans who have been critized to high heavens about that place, what a nice gesture from them to let them come to Canada with all our social programs. Probably they will land in Toronto and help our deficit get even higher? Only a few you say? Dream on, they will get all their families with the great great grand-parents and the 90 or so relatives from each family come here, go on welfare, get Medicare, some will be sick, etc, and you are saying you still want to sponsor them? Get your heads examined, now.

Well the radio call in shows should be pretty interesting for the next little while.

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Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Here's our 2008 Christmas Tree.

I went out in a snow storm yesterday, December 13 to get it. Apparently it was 51 in San Francisco. Here in Kelowna it was -5 degrees Celsius (23 Fahrenheit) when I went to get the tree. It takes some getting used to.

You can see our tree live by clicking here.

Please use the comments here as a guest book. Happy Christmas and best wishes for the new year to you and yours.

"Oh, if you become V.P., oh, it's Canada for me..."

Welcome, my fellow Americans. Canada is close, but it takes some getting used to.

NSFW (Thank you Rachael Maddow for the link.)

Meanwhile, Canadians are also holding a federal election. Not that Americans would notice. Not that Canadians would notice, if it wasn't for all the complaining that inevitably accompanies the announcement of a Federal election in Canada.

Americans might want to think things through a little. This is not so far from the truth. I have to rely on my Canadian friends and family to do the right thing in the election here. And since I'd like to have a country to return home to one day, I've already cast my absentee ballot for the US election.

Curling, Lobsters, and Joan McCusker's Email

This is an old joke:

A man watches a lobster fisher throw three lobsters into a bucket. Concerned, the man approaches the fisher and asks if he isn't worried that the lobsters will climb out because the bucket has no cover.

"No worries," replied the fisher. "These are Canadian lobsters. If one starts to climb out, the others will pull him back in."

And that's how it is in Canada. In the US, we learn to recognize and celebrate success. In Canada, that would be bragging. It takes some getting used to.

Last week the Scotties Tournament of Hearts was held in Regina, Saskatchewan. That's the Canadian Women's Curling championships. The winner goes on to represent Canada at the Worlds next month. The opening of the week-long championships marked the ten year anniversary of the Team Canada gold medal win at the 1998 Olympics in Japan. The winning team hailed from Regina. They became national icons ("heroes" would, of course, be bragging) over night.


The team was skipped by Sandra Schmirler, who died just two years later at the age of 36, of cancer. The Sandra Schmirler Foundation keeps her memory alive. The remaining members of that team, Marcia Gudereit, Joan McCusker, and Jan Betker, continued to curl at a high level, but were not able to win another national or international title.

Joan McCusker is now a commentator for CBC's curling coverage. I wish I had Joan McCusker's email, because I think she could help me understand something about Canadians.

Colleen Jones, certainly one of the best Canadian women curlers, won six Canadian championships, two World championships, and a couple of mixed Canadian championships. She is bright, articulate, and gracious. (At least she was gracious to me when I met her, and I'm pretty much nobody.) She was a tremendous representative for the sport and for Canada, and yet Canadians belittle her accomplishments because she chews gum while she curls. I kid you not.

Kelly Scott curls at the same curling club I do. She began this year's Scotties as two-time Canadian champion, and was looking for a third consecutive title. She is a lovely person; polite, generous with her time, gracious, and kind of funny. She doesn't show much emotion on the ice. Still, there were posts on curling forums, articles in newspapers, and general talk among curlers that Kelly and her team "didn't deserve" another championship. Why? Because she has a squeaky, annoying voice when she calls a game.

Help me out, Joan! We all know that Sandra Schmirler is now practically revered for her curling success (Oops! There's that word again!) and for her good nature.

What was it really like out there after 1998? Did the general public say things like, "They don't deserve another win because Sandra did..." whatever Sandra did? Did people complain about her glasses? Did they criticize her style of play?

Well, there's a new Team Canada now, this one led by Jennifer Jones. She doesn't chew gum. Her style of play is more aggressive than Kelly Scott's and Colleen Jones'. She's tall and thin and blond. Let the snarkiness begin.